About Love

Last year when I was helping my sister in law clear her old books and stuff, I chanced upon this old book that she had for a long time chucked away in an old box. I am not a fan of the "chicken soup series" but was curious what is being written in the book series that is so popular with many. "Chicken Soup for the Couple's Soul" was the title of the book and needless to say, I had expected it to be a sort of book that talks about love and commitment between couples and how to strengthen a couple's relationship and stuff...sort of like a counselling type of book. I kept the book and told myself that I'll spend some time reading it, together with some other books that piled on the top of my chest of drawers.

Just 2 days back, I was clearing something from my drawer and my eyes landed on the particular book on the top and something compelled me to pick up the book and started reading the first few pages. After that, I couldn't put down the book. The content is far from the other relationship building or counselling books that I have read before and I was surprised to read that inside it was a compilation of many many real life stories from couples and people all over the world, telling about their love, commitment and undying eternal love of their spouses through different times. Many stories inside touched my heart and reminded me of what I went through with hubby. There are moments in our marriage that I had felt that there's nothing "new" going on between us, and wished so much for us to rediscover the magic and excitement of getting to know each other all over again. However, after reading the book, I realised that I had focused on the wrong side of our marriage. What I didn't put into my thoughts that much was the different cumulative gifts that was given to each other over the last 15 years that we spent together, which no one can experience or feel except for us. Suddenly, I miss him so much and tell myself that the first thing I am going to do when I see him this Saturday was to give him a big big hug to tell him wherever he is, I am there with him also.

Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone;it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new..

Cannot be too imaginative?

And so, Hao did a composition in school 2 weeks back and showed it to me when he got it back from the teacher after she graded it. He was pretty sad that he didn't get a good mark and merely got a 10marks out of the full 20marks. After reading his composition, I agreed with the grade that his teacher gave him, but what really bugged me was the big big comment that she scribbled on the paper in red ink "You cannot use too much imagination in writing composition, please follow the words and pictures given!".

I must first say that Hao has been into Harry Potter books and has just finished the first book and getting onto the second book. He cannot go to sleep at night without at least reading a few pages of the book and will pick it up whenever he has free time. Needless to say, he's very familiar with the plots and characters. Well, he used the names of the characters into his composition and added some magic wands and settings etc into the storyline. I don't even need to look at the words and pictures to know that he had indeed deviated from the main story and added stuff that wasn't supposed to be in that.

The teacher wasn't wrong in asking him to follow the words and pictures given to him, and definitely wasn't wrong not to give him high marks for such a composition. What is mind boggling is how the teacher asked him to stop being imaginative and conform to her teachings only. To me, kids need to be imaginative. They need that to be creative, think out of the box, and discover new ways to do new things etc. I felt she should have explained it to him in a different way than simply scribbling words onto his paper and passing back to him. He came back very sad and told me that the teacher said his composition was all wrong and thus he should fail the paper. Discouraged, he told me he isn't any good in composition writing and he had messed up his paper.

That was the trigger point of the whole episode. I had to sit him down and explain to him that he's not "wrong" in his thinking, and that being imaginative is a very good thing for him. I told him that in the context of the composition, the instruction was for him to describe what was in the pictures and he didn't fulfill what was requred and that's why he didn't get good marks for it. But I also told him that in cases where only a topic or subject was given, he was free to express what he wants to in his composition and that's when imagination and free writing comes in useful and he'll be able to gain more marks then. Before he could reach that level, he has to build up his story telling skills and writing skills and for teachers to help him to learn how to shape and develop stories, they have to start him writing on descriptive compositions and then proceed to higher level of story writing when he progress to higher primary or secondary school. He seemed to brighten up at that explanation and told me he'll try again.

My point is that the teacher could have taken his good point and tell him how to use it in the appropriate manner and not just discounting it based on what is presented in the current scenario. She saw that he couldn't follow the instructions given and gave him demerit on that, but did not explain what was good out of it and how he could pursue and use it later when it is required. I am so thankful that Hao is willing to confide in me about how he felt about the whole situation and I was able to tell him how to tackle the whole situation. Afterall, we are all encouraging our kids to think out of the box, be more creative and do what others are not doing right? What is more important than having more imagination for that?