Little thoughts here and there...

It'd been an eventful week for our family. As we finally set ourselves back to our routines and get life going as usual, I took some time to recollect my thoughts when I had some time alone to sit down and think.

Firstly, Ee is recovering better than I expected. After he came back from the hospital, I hadn't any words of complain from him. There wasn't any pain or uncomfort, only some inconvenience as we had imposed some (or many to him) restrictions for his playtime. No going near of Min (showing serious signs of violence to Ee), no playing of hitting games, no running, no jumping up and down etc. In short, we'd rather he do his coloring or sitting on the sofa and watching TV :P Maybe I am getting a little protective here, but boys will be boys, they can be rather dangerous when playing in a group of 3! I am just crossing my fingers that his stitches will be nicely intact till the professional plastic surgeon removes it on Monday afternoon. I wouldn't want to risk having him undergo another horrible incident again!

Since Ee's accident, I've had a lot of well wishers leaving me messages, as well as calls and smses from friends and relatives. I'm thankful for all their prayers and words of comfort, which had given me much strength and support that I needed now to help Ee recover. Of all, the sweetest thing that I've heard was from a close friend of hubby. He told us that Ee eludes a special kind of charm and charisma that my other kids doesn't have. Ee is very aloof and doesn't warm up fast with strangers. However, just a look at him makes you want to know him better and talk to him. You'll get fascinated at just looking at the way he moves and talks and plays without even realising it. This special charms makes him very likeable even when he's not doing anything. We thought it was quite true and I was very touched by what he said, and was thankful to him. With just one little thought that he shares with us, it consoled me very much and made me felt more relieved than a thousand words of comfort. Very simply put, he had given me much confidence to see the entire thing in a more positive light. I hope the people who interacts with Ee will see him in an entirely different light, just like how our friend could.

Some friends call me supermom, some told me I made too many sacrifices for my kids and I have lost myself in the process. I just wanna say that I had not intentionally wanted to be a supermom, or compete with other moms in my social circle. It is indeed a big sacrifice for me to be with my 3 kids 24/7 with no personal time. I had wished for time alone for retail therapy, sleep or even just to sit down and watch the tv in peace, but it's all a luxury to me. There's always the homework to revise with one, or to play with the other, or washing their dirty laundry or utensils, or preparing meals or playing games with them. The drive which kept me going was simply just to provide the best I can to my kids. Life is short, some people just want to spend their time doing the things they like. For me, my wish is to leave my greatest love to my kids. When it comes to the day when I had to leave the world, I wish that I had given my best to them and they can remember me for what I did for them. Remembering how mummy used to cook and clean for them, play with them and walk them to school, even the car rides I had with them, the places I visited with them and even the time we spent together at night just lying down on the bed going to sleep. With that, I won't have any regrets in life. So far I think I've done my best and will keep doing so till I don't have the energy to do so anymore, or when they find their love ones to share their life with. It isn't too much for a mother to do right?

The day my world came crashing down...

Everyone knows that my sons are the world to me. Sacrifices I made for them, I have never complained about. I just want to see them happy and grow up to be good, healthy people.

My world came crashing down and nearly hit me yesterday when Ee had a freaky accident. Hubby went to fetch him from class while me and Min waited in the car. We had planned to have lunch out together and then do some grocery shopping. Everything was as usual till a lady opened the car door and told me that Ee had fallen down with a bad cut and my hubby and son needed me quickly. I was blurred for a second and could feel my heart sink down to the bottom by what the lady told me. I recognised her as her son is attending the same class as Ee. I was totally unprepared for what I was going to go through for the next 7 hours.

She was kind enough to gesture for me to hand Min to her while I tend to Ee. I was shocked to see Ee lying in a pool of blood crying while hubby was squatting over him, pressing a bit pile of tissue on his forehead. I was told he was running towards the car when he tripped over his foot and fell into the drain. I asked hubby how bad was the cut and he gave me an expression that I have never seen before and told me VERY DEEP. I blurred out for the second time and didn't know what I could do. Hubby told me he had called the ambulance and we would just have to wait for the ambulance to come. Ee was crying and calling out to me and I quickly rushed to the car and off the engine and locked the car before returning to his side holding his hands. All he needed then was mummy dearest by his side as he was frightened.

Next I called my mum and she came down to bring Min home while we waited for the ambulance. The 10 or 15 mins that we waited seemed like eternity to us. We dialed 995 twice and I nearly screamed into the phone asking where the ambulance was. When it came, we were told they were the civilian ambulance and they happened to be nearby and stopped by to see if they help. Altho they were not paramedics, they were kind hearted enough to get some gauze and bandages to tend to Ee's wound. When I saw hubby removed the tissue, I nearly fainted as I could saw the open flesh and I let out cries. Passerbys assured me and told me I had to be strong for my little boy. All I could do was not to cry in front of him and hold his hands telling him it will be over soon and he will be alright. Deep down inside me, I was screaming and crying, wishing that it was just a horrible dream and I will wake up from it and everything was going to be alright.

When the ambulanced came, I followed Ee to KKH in the ambulance while hubby drove the car over. Along the way, I kept talking to Ee and told him everything is going to be alright and the doctors at the hospital is going to take the pain away and all will be well again. He answered ok and told me it was all too painful. I couldn't control myself and cried. The paramedic put her hands on my shoulder and told me it's going to be alright. I told myself to control as I had to be strong for Ee. I kept talking to Ee all the way to the hospital and joked about how the ambulance was the same one that we saw some time ago with the transformer logo, and that the ambulance is going to transform to a robot and send him to the hospital very very soon. The ride was a little bumpy and I told him that it was the robot running very very fast so he can reach there soonest. I told him he was a brave boy and I loved him very very much and will make sure the doctor take all his pain away soon.

He kept telling me Ok Mummy, which made my heart ached even more and I knew that he was containing himself and I cannot imagine the pain my precious son was going through and how he could be so brave not to be screaming and wailing and kicking. Instead he was lying calmly on the stretcher answering questions from the paramedic and talking to me. The kind paramedic asked if he loved balloons and took out a glove and blew it to a balloon for him. Ee grabed the balloon very tightly and refused to let go as he said he like it very much.

When we reached, I carried him to the nurse and registered him to see the doc. I was very frightened and wished that he will be treated immediately but as usual we needed to wait for the doctor to be available to check him. When he finally went to the treatment to see the doctor, hubby had arrived and carried him in. They needed to open up the bandage and assess the condition before knowing what to do for the next step and instinctively I stepped out at that moment. Don't misunderstand me as I am not one who's afraid of blood or open wound, but I just simply cannot bear to see my son being in pain and screaming. A part of me tell myself that I needed to be in there to hold his hands and told him it's going to be alright but the other part of me just cannot do it. All I could do was stand there and cry my heart out. I thought my heart was going to be broken in to a million pieces and never heal again. I would rather I am the one suffering and not him. I thought of how close I was to losing my precious son at that very moment. I just broke down and cried.

After he was examined, the doc told us that they needed to get the plastic surgeon in to do the stitching and they would get her immediately. Meanwhile we had to get him to do the xray of the skull and make sure there wasn't any fracture lines. Ee refused to do the xray with hubby and wanted me to hold his hands throughout the whole process. At my instructions, he lied shivering on the bed and took the xray. After all was done, the doc informed us that he had not be able to get in touch with the surgeon and will need us to wait for further instructions. In any case, Ee can only do the stitching 3 hrs after his last food intake as the chances of him needed a GA was high. There and then, there was nothing we could do except wait. The good thing was by then Ee had been too tired out and traumatised that he fell to a deep sleep. I guess that was the best part so far as he didn't seemed to be in pain anymore and slept peacefully in our arms.

At 3pm, the surgeon finally came and took Ee to the treatment room. Again, I waited outside and cried buckets. Thank god hubby's aunt was working in KKH and told me that Ee didn't budged at all when they removed the bandage and only cried a little when they had to remove the gauze from the wound. Everyone commented that he was the bravest and calmest little boy they had ever encounter so far. I was so proud of my little boy and felt so guilty that I wasn't by his side. All I can do is cry and cry and I didn't bear to let him see me crying, least making him more frightened. I was so glad that hubby was the calm one who handled the situation so well. Aunt told me that the surgeon will be stitiching his wound in the treatment room and that Ee will be sedated throughout the process. I heard his cries when they administered ketamine to make him sleep and after a while, hubby came out and told me that they will take some time as there was a lot to be done. They need to thoroughly clean the wound as they were worried that the drain that he fell in might have a lot of bacteria which can cause severe infections. Then they will proceed to mend the torn bone ligaments, then the muscles, then the fatty tissues and then lastly the surface skin. I was told he was in good hands as it was a plastic surgeon tending to him and she'll do her best to help.

As we sat there waited, we were both relieved that Ee was finally being attended to and in good hands. We were glad he didn't have to be admitted and could go home after the stitching. He had been asking for his brothers and wanted to go home to his security place. My heart ached so much for my little boy. When he was finally wheeled out after 20 mins or so, all we can do is sit down beside him and waited for him to wake up. The surgeon came and gave us some instructions and told us that there might be a chance that his muscles won't mend well and will show disparities when showing expressions etc. She said that we should just wait for the scar to recover and then worry about other stuff later. Poor Ee had to take 20 over stitches to mend the wound and it was visibly across his forehead to the side of the eye. The only good thing was his eye and vision wasn't hurt, which is very fortunate for him.

He came to after nearly an hour after he was wheeled out and recovered very quickly from the GA. He had the heart monitor patches and machines attached and was asking if we could take it away as it was very uncomfortable for him. We had to coax him and told him to wait a while more and that the nurse and doctors are going to let him go home if he behaves himself and listened to what they ask of him. He agreed and went very quiet and waited. No screams or cries or kicking from him. He was just the calm little boy who everyone loves so much, not throwing tantrums or making others worry about him. When he was finally allowed to go home, I hugged him so closely all the way home and hoped that I didn't have to let go forever. My heart is aching right now as it's too painful for me to think of what had happened. I just want everything to be over soon and he will be well again.

If you have kids at home, please hug them every opportunity you have and hold their hands when you are with them. Life is so precious and accidents occur at the moment that we least expect. Cherish them whenever you can. Hug and kisses to all the precious boys and girls in this world.

Turning 33!

Today is my 33rd birthday. I think my birthday is the most undermined occasion at home as I've never told my kids when my birthday is (not even today), and my hubby doesn't even remember. The only well wishers are friends from FB and my own family members.

Just few hours ago, my entire family came over for lunch. I didn't cook but rather we potluck and bought food over and gather in my house for a family lunch. All had a good time eating and chatting. My sis even gave me an ang pow for my birthday! So paiseh, so I am going to keep it for Min instead as his birthday is gonna be here in 2 weeks' time anyway.

I am rather disappointed that almost every year, hubby will forget at least 1 or 2 special occasions. For a few years, he doesn't remember that it was my birthday. Just earlier this year, he forgotten about our wedding annivesary. I am not those who needs extravagant flowers or cakes or chocolates or expensive presents. I just need him to remember these occasions because they have special meaning for us...but recent years, there hadn't been any "Happy Birthday" or "Happy Anniversary" or even gesture of appreciation for what I've done for the family. Maybe I am being attention seeking here, but who doesn't? A hug or a peck on the cheek will be good, if not, just a simple "Happy Birthday" will work for me. At least it doesn't make me feel taken for granted and I know I am still someone important to him....hmmm....wonder if it's my PMS causing me to sulk here on my birthday. Maybe I just need to have someone stepping on my toes and pissing me off and make me scream at that someone.....maybe that'll make me feel better today on my birthday!

Happy 4th Birthday to Ee!!

Ee is finally 4! He had his birthday celebration in school yesterday as the school is closed today for their year end graduation concert. We packed his party favor packs rather early 2 weeks ago and ordered his cake last Thursday at Prima Deli. I tried to get him a Ben 10 cake for his celebration in school but there wasn't much choices and those that are available are too expensive. Finally we brought him to Prima Deli and let him browse through the catalog and he finally made up his mind on the Care Bear birthday cake. At least it's something he likes although hubby felt that it was too girlish :P

Being a shy kid who's afraid of the limelight, he was a little apprehensive at first and didn't want his classmates to sing him the birthday song, or to stand in front of the class to receive well wishes from his classmates. So we had Hao with him and he throughly enjoyed himself as compared to last year when he started crying once the singing started. His teachers helped to distribute the cakes to the class with him and also gave out the party favors before class dismissal. Overall, all was happy!

It's Tough being a Parent!

It's really tough being a parent nowadays. There's parent-to-parent competition to compare our kids, what enrichments they attend, which school they go to, even how fast they start to walk, the manners they show and anything that one can compare. There's school-to-parent stress that we have to manage, helping our kids keep up with their school work and revisions, making sure they do not slack in their studies, and giving them tuition and enrichment to make sure that they catch up at the right pace. There's children-to-parent requirements, with our kids asking for entertainment, travel plans, weekend plans etc and if it's not to their preferences, they'll make noise and request for programs catering to their needs instead of ours. Every week, we face the same issues and it's a never ending story.

For the past 1 week, I've spent 2 hours every night brushing up Hao's language skills and making him do assessments after assessments, trying to increase his language vocabulary so that he can confidently take his exams mid october. I am not a KS parent. I do not need my kids to be scoring full marks in their school work, nor need them to be the top ranking student in school. I've never agree with how the education system changed over the years, recognizing marks and students academically more than anything else. However, this year when Hao started formal school, I realise that it's not a choice at all. It's a vicious cycle to us all. He is required to pick up a lot of things in a short time frame and forcing him to absorb a lot of knowledge in a short time. If he doesn't absorb as fast as the others, he will at the losing end. Without a choice, I have to constantly coach him, let he be consistent in his learning and we realised that he doesn't have any more time for play. He complains once in a while but most times, he'll be diligently doing his work in the study room while listening to the laughter from his younger brothers playing with hubby. I know it's hard for him but there's nothing I can do at this time when the exams are only 3 weeks away.

I guess being a kid is also tough nowadays!

It's gonna be a long month ahead!

I've been very lazy in updating my blog since the school holidays. In brief, we (plus members of extended family) went to Langkawi during the school holidays and had days of sun, sea and sand before coming back to welcome Nic home. Nic didn't tell ILs that she'll be back for a week and a half and when we came back from Langkawi, she gave them the big surprise by meeting us at the airport when we touched down. Following that was another one and a half weeks spent with her catching up and chatting. I must say it was the best period of time she spent with the kids as they are growing older and able to communicate and play better with her and she had a lot of time spent over at my place as compared to her last trips where she had to rush to meet friends while she's in town.

Just last Sunday, Ashlynne also had a big party bash to celebrate her full month. It was a grand party, with her parents inviting more than 80 friends and relatives to their humble place and the whole place was jammed with well wishers from noon to late afternoon. There was plenty of people, good food, favors, good conversations and catching up but goody girl Ashlynne was not at all intimidated by the overwhelming party. Even with the noise all around her, she slept like a good baby in her own bassinet and didn't whine or cry a single bit. She's really really a little gem to us.

Starting this week, I have been spending a lot of time with Hao on his school work and revision. It's only a month away from his SA2 and I am hoping to help him catch up on his revision. He's a bright boy, just lazy and very reliant on others to push him in his work. The frustrating part is that during the day time, I have too much on my hands that I am unable to focus on coaching him. So instead of doing that in the day time, I do that at night now, and let him do self revision in the day time on topics that he's more confident in handling himself. Needless say, Chinese is the night subject, while English and Mathematics is his day subject. Am crossing fingers that he'll understand his school work enough to pass his exams. Its not so much of competing for grades but to make sure he'll be able to catch up and build a better foundation for the following years later. I was told by his old chinese teacher in kindy that if he's not able to score in P1 or P2, then the following years will be very tough. Hope he'll be able to make it. It's really not easy to be a parent now, especially when there's so much competition around. We must really remind ourselves not to fall into the spiral and push our kids to compete academically. Nevetheless, it is still necessary for them to try and get good grades to be able to move on further on a better path forward. It's how the education system works here. So sad...

Counting down to Langkawi!

Alas, my baby crazy days are almost over. I am certainly glad that my baby craze is due to my raging hormones during ovulation period LOL Right now I am in the right of mind looking at my 3 boys all growing well and getting more and more independent by the day. I will need to look for a school for Min soon, maybe during the long school holidays, just before Ashlynne comes under my care. Although the boys adore the baby, Min has already started to show sibling rivalry and jealousy whenever I cooed over the baby or when I carry her instead of him. He'll keep asking me put the baby down and carry him instead, or follow me around sis' house and making sure I don't get too close to the baby :P On the other hand, he loves a new companion and is constantly asking Ashlynne to "come, play!" We have to tell him again and again that the baby is too young to come down and play boxing with him!

It's only 2 days away from our Langkawi trip on Sat morning. It's only a 2D2N stay but am glad to be breaking away from chaos of Singapore for a few days. I am both looking forward to the trip but also dreading it since I will be going with my in laws and hubby's elder sis in law with her 2 daughters. Not sure how much trouble we are bringing with us this round but am crossing fingers that this will be a enjoyable trip for us. Am really wondering when me and hubby will be able to enjoy a holiday alone without the kids...just the two of us, doing things we enjoy instead of planning for family trips and going places where the kids can be entertained and interested in....

Next week will be a week school holidays and the kids will all be home wrecking havoc from dawn till dusk *gulp*. As usual, Hao will have holiday homework plus my worksheets to do, while Ee will be watching plenty of TV and playing plenty of games, and lastly Min will be delighted that his brothers need not attend school and will be home playing with him the whole day.