Christmas is finally at it's end. Before christmas, I made a wish to have more rest and sleep for once...and I got what I wished for - food poisoning!!! Sat night had party at in laws place and took the same food as 25 other people, and unfortunately, I was the only one who woke up with food poisoning the next day! Poor me panicked as I had to take care of 3 kids!! My stomach spasms was so bad I can hardly sit up straight, plus I had bodyache all over. I quickly went to see the doc and took an anti-vomit jab to curb my nauseas and hurried home to take care of the baby. I was practically confined to bed with no strength and had to get in laws to take care of the 2 elder boys while hubby helped with the bb at home. Luckily things got better on Christmas eve, and by then I had stop vomitting and the bodyache subsided. The only thing was I was too weak from lack of food. I faster replenished my body with food and fluid to prevent dehydration and altho I was so tired and sleepy from the medication, I couldn't rest at all with 3 kids clinging onto me like leeches! Today I am almost recovered, only thing is that I don't feel hungry for food at all and can hardly digest much food.

Poor me had few parties planned but had to cancel one party at my place on sunday and skipped one party on sunday night at relative's place. Today we all went over to sis' place for lunch and had a great time talking and playing wii at her place. Just few hours ago we proceeded to in laws place for dinner and came back to rest for the night after the kids had their parties for the past few days lol.

I guess the happiest should be the kids, going from parties to parties, and meeting all our relatives who hadn't seen each other for a while, playing together, and of course getting the loads of presents will make the best part for Christmas. I'm sure next year's Christmas will be a much better organised one with our new place and kids growing up older and more manageable. With the end of Christmas, it means year 2007 is coming to an end. This year is certainly an unpredictable year for me with a lot of changes. I wished 2008 will be a better year, altho I am expecting myself to be a lot more busy than current, with all the things happening next year.

Finally I am able to find some peace and quiet moments to update my blog. Its been crazy with bb Min around and Hao on school holidays. Good news is that Ee is attending half day child care now and is adapting well. Just few days and he's no longer clingy and seems to be starting to enjoy activities in school. Altho he has just caught a cold yesterday, I hope things will not be as bad as when Hao first started school and needed few months to really get immuned to the germs spreading around and being sick etc. Crossing fingers on that!

Min is still adapting to the environment...he's not really establishing any routine except morning times but at least he is sleeping better and longer stretches at night and I am picking up on my sleep too. Still deprived but not as bad as when we first started out LOL

Nic's back in Singapore again. She's such an angel for bringing back my loot and hubby Wii set. He and the kids are having fun with the games, especially Hao who's getting better and better at it. I just can't wait to have our new house ready soon so we can move over with bigger space for our family. It's really getting a bit crampy and noisy with the kids.

Hubby's car broke down last week. After a series of troubleshooting by various parties, they finally found out what's wrong with the car. Sigh..gotta spend another sum of money on the repairs. Our air conditioning system ran into problems too and needed some servicing...not sure what's coming up next...hope things turn out better soon!

I am having another round of blues again. Sometimes I wonder if there's anything wrong with me feeling so full of resentment and so abandoned. I put in my best to care for my baby but I still feel like a failure...a bad mother...

It's been 6 weeks since Min arrived. He's still sleeping short hours (even at night) and nursing more frequently than ever. I've heard plenty of comments and criticisms on how I am handling him, how I should put him on a nursing schedule, and how I should sleep train him and make him less dependable on me blah blah...but the fact is that he's only a tiny baby! True, I've my share of complaining of being sleep deprived and emotionally charged and loss of freedom etc, but I've also tried my best to respond and take care of his needs and make sure he is thriving and gaining weight and receiving attention from me in the best possible ways ever a mother can give. Babies don't come with manuals or settings and everything I do I have to learn from scratch. I've came a long way in the past 6 weeks. The fact that I am the only one who can read his signals and know what he wants when he cries and differentiate his hunger cries etc, I've achieved more than anyone else..Ironically there are many who have "shared" their concerns and comments about how I should do this and that, and how I should train my baby etc, when I really needed help, there was no one I can turn to. Who can help me take care of baby at night when I'm sick last week? No one. Who was there when I was so hyped up due to sleep deprivation? No one. Who was there to help me when I need just an hour of sleep to make sure I function better when my baby needs me? No one. I was alone, 24/7 with no help whatsoever, figuring out what baby wants, enduring his ear piercing screams and cries, and at times when I am doing that, I was crying to myself and applauding myself for a job so wonderfully done as a mother.

Who would have guess that I was just crying to myself 1 hour ago for being so tired and lonely, now I am so feeling so satisfied and giving myself a pat on my back for giving my kids the best that I can - to respond to their needs in the best possible way that I can no matter what time of the day and how I am feeling. I may at times be frustrated and wished to be single again with no family commitments, but the truth is my kids completes me as a person and i've learnt so much from them that I couldn't from anywhere else. The process is tough but the end product is sweet LOL There are times that I wonder if this is what I truthfully believe in or just something that I use to psycho myself so I feel better but I think I'll just leave it as it is for the time being....

Now back to the well deserve 15 mins or 30 mins (if I am lucky) sleep while the baby is sleeping now....

Baby Min is finally 1 month old!!! We had a celebration today at in laws place for his full month and the kids had great fun playing together with the other kids who came. Although the costs of the celebration is about an arm and leg to us, we are quite glad most of the guests had a good time gathering together.

Finally Min is 1 month old and we are now officially free to go out on weekends! Today we went out together as a family the very first time, and it's quite a challenge with Min's grumpiness and always wanting to nurse for comfort..also had to change his diapers many times since he's nursing a lot and output is certainly a lot too. Cannot imagine how things will be for the many weekends to come when we have to get used to lugging 3 kids and a maid out together every weekend.

The past few days has really been bad for me. Being sleep deprived has caused mood swings and bad blues for me that I felt I wasn't functioning properly at all. There's really minimal help as baby Min needs me to nurse him and wasn't really sleeping very well at night for a couple of days before the weekend. Luckily there was some improvements for the past 2 days, and baby Min was able to sleep stretches of approximately 2 hours, enabling me to sleep longer stretches too. It was also good that Hao was busy with his rehearsals at MediaCorp for the Star Search finals dance item and was hardly at home during weekends. Ee was being cared for by my mum and I could really rest better in the day time when baby Min is taking his nap.

Good news is that we have bought a new house. It's an Executive Apartment in the same neighbourhood, just further down away from my current place. We bought it at a very reasonable price and we thought it's really an ideal place for us with 4 bedrooms, big kitchen, big living room, dining area plus a balcony. In addition, it's on the 7th floor, which is nice for us and right in front of the balcony is a small garden and no blockage from other flats, enabling ample sunlight to shine into the house. Overall, we are very pleased with the place and is really looking forward to renovating and moving into the place next year. Finally we have one less thing to worry about, and now the next thing after baby Min's full month is to get Ee into nursery and spend some useful time learning things in school. Thinks it's about time already.

Looks like things are getting into gear and moving in the right pace for us now. :)

It's been 9 days since Baby Chin Ming arrived. Things around home have more of less settled into place. Although Ming still doesn't have a schedule and is waking and nursing at his own timings, at least now he's more manageable. Night times are still erratic, but getting better. On good nights, he can sleep a long stretch of 3-4 hours, though most of the times, he won't sleep more than 1-2 hours at a stretch. Nursing is a challenge. My nipples are sore and cracked from his constant suckling but at least I can see he's nursing more. With his slow pace of nursing, most times he can only finish in 30 mins nursing both sides (that is if he has fallen asleep throughout the whole time) or up to 50 mins if he's constantly falling asleep. The good thing is I don't feel engorged now, meaning he's slowly clearing my breasts and my supply is meeting is demand just nice. Other than that, Hao and Ee are getting used to having a baby brother around, and the fact that Mummy here has less time for them, as I need to focus more on the baby now. My domestic helper is a godsend, helping with all of the housework and playing with the kids when needed. I didn't think I can survived without her help.

All these aside, I am still feeling a little bit blue now and then. Baby blues and hormonal changes mostly I think. At times, I feel like a super mum wanting to do so many things and keeping the household going, but at other times, I feel like a complete failure as I couldn't hold on to things at home and keeping my own mind sane. There are nights when I just burst into tears out of nothing with negative thoughts and self pity, while there are nights when I am full with so much energy that I couldn't sleep at all. It's only been 9 days...its going to be a long long way to go till I can relax my mind and raise up my feet for a while with the kids being more independent. Here we are talking maybe another 2-3 years time. Sigh...meanwhile I can only pray for the short term and hope my mind will still be sane after all..

My Birth Story - Baby Chin Ming

These are photos taken in the hospital on Day 1:

These are photos taken at home on Day 3:

Baby Chin Ming was born at 39 weeks exactly at 12.37pm on 19th October 2007 after a long long wait. I was supposed to be induced on 22nd Oct if he's not coming out over the weekend but I guess he couldn't wait till then and decided to make use of the weekend for mummy to rest :)
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Thursday 18th Oct 2007

8pm:

Reached home with my 2 boys and starting to feel contractions coming on. I wasn't overly alarmed as I had a few times of false labour which ended up with the contractions subsiding, so didn't alert anyone. Played with the kids and waited for hubby to be back from work.

9pm:

Hubby back from work. Told hubby about my contractions and I started to time it. 8 mins apart. I thought it was still early and continued with my routine of tucking the kids to bed and taking my shower and even ate some supper.

Friday 19th oct 2007

1am:

Contractions still regular at about 8 mins apart, though it was getting more intense. Told hubby that he should be prepared to go to hospital tomorrow and he panicked and started to clear his work. I retired to bed and tried to get some sleep.

3am:

Managed to steal some sleep and woke up to time my contractions. 7mins apart now. Have a very strong feeling that it's going to be time soon but knowing my dilations comes in very slowly, it's still too early to head for the hospital. Decided that I should hold till the morning after I send the kids to the school and my mum's place before heading to hospital. Hubby woked up sensing I was awake and asked if it was time. Told him to get some sleep while I do something to occupy myself since I can't sleep.

4am:

Got out of bed for hot shower. Packed my bags for last min items as well as school bag for ds1. Couldn't sleep so I surfed the net and updated my MP3 player.

6am:

Contractions are 5 mins apart and getting intense. I can still hold out and told hubby that will have to head to hospital once the kids are ready to head out of the house at our regular time of 7.45am. He went back to catch little more sleep. I chatted with my SIL over msn, updating her of what's going on.

7am:

Hubby woke up for shower, woke the kids up, shower ds1 and prepare him for school. Ds2 still in slumberland. Contractions 5 mins apart still. Though contractions are intense, I'm not sure if I should head to the hospital for another long wait.

7.45am:

Head out of the house and drop the kids at my mum's place which is 5 mins away. Contractions 4 mins apart.

8.15am:

Reach KKH. Can't walk when contractions are coming in, have to stop periodically against the wall. The nurses thought I was in labour when I walked into the delivery suite seeing how much pain I was in. I was amazed at myself for holding out for so long. Nurse wants to do a VE but I declined, prefer to wait till my gynae comes in. They pushed me in for observation while hubby heads out for breakfast and coffee, knowing that there's still plenty of time till the gynae comes in.

9am:

Gynae comes in and annouced I was 3.5cm dilated and contractions 3-4 mins apart. Decide to get me into the labour ward and burst the waterbag. Hubby returned from breakfast.

9.30am:

In delivery suite with waterbag burst. Told all that I will not be taking epidural or any other meds. Waited for the time to come.

11.30am:

Contractions 1-2 mins apart but gynae says not there yet as dilation only 7cm. Have to hold on for a while more till I am more dilated and I try with all my might to contain my pain and urge to push. Had to start using the laughing gas to relax myself and helps the dilation to progress faster.

12.30pm:

Time finally come and my strong urge to push starts to set in. The nurses alerted my gynae who came in very quickly when I just started to push. In 2 pushes at 12.37pm, Baby Chin Ming was out and his loud booming crying voice filled the whole delivery suite. I told hubby to hurry over and check the baby while the gynae was busy with me. Hubby said the baby looks different from my other 2 dss.

Finally everything was over. Was glad to made it through without epi. Gynae ordered them to prepare lunch for me in the delivery suite but before I could eat anything, I went into slumberland and didn't wake up till 2pm and baby was already out for tests and hubby was sitting comfortably in the armchair next to me watch HBO on TV. Seeing I was ok, he went out for lunch while the nurses cleaned me up before we head up to the ward at 3pm. I was alert after that for the whole day and was glad when my family came to visit us with my 2 dss. Was discharged the next day morning to head home.