Rant and Vent...

Sometimes I think I am an Ok mum, sometimes I think I suck at being a mum, other times I think I have done my best, the rest of the time, I don't have time to think what went on during the day and will just plop down onto the bed and sleep.

Being a woman is not easy...that's because at the same time, we have to be a wife, daughter, daughter in law, mother, chef, mediator, cleaner, teacher, discipline mistress, and a whole lot of other roles that i can't even think of right now off hand. I dare to say that i try to excel at each of my role, even to the extend that I myself think I expect too much of myself at times. Nobody is perfect, and yet I try my best to be perfect at my roles. I stress myself out and push myself to limits that I never knew I could bear. I think I am burning out faster and faster for various reasons. Perhaps I think too much...or too little. Sigh...see even when I think I stress myself out!

My world is so small now. Of course I expected it right before I decide to quit and stay home. It's a joy to see the kids everyday and spend time with them but sometimes I really hoped I can at least have some time to cut my hair or laze around for the afternoon, but I really cannot afford all these. Simple things like that are becoming a luxury to me and I can't complain simply because I made the choice to do so and I expected it in the first place. My friends gave me the kind advice to make some time for myself and pamper myself but I really can't bear to drop the kids and enjoy "free" time to myself. I'll always be thinking "have they taken their meals?" or "are the kids fighting now?" or even as simple as "will the kids miss me..". I really brought it upon myself for not being able to let go even for a simple few hours LOL I keep telling myself I can be more relax when min is older...wonder when will the day come when I can really let go :P

Hubby is in taiwan this week for a good 4 days. Am bunking with my mum this week with the kids. Hubby, ee and min had been down with flu since last week and has yet to recover fully. I hate it when Min falls sick. He's really suffering from the running nose and having real difficulty sleeping with the stuffed nose. I have been taking care of him day and night since last week that he fell sick and maybe that's why I have been feeling down due to the lack of rest. I desperately need some attention and pampering. Someone to tell me I have done a good job and things will get better or simply just give me a pat on my shoulders. Sigh. This is just one of my down period i guess.

I really don't know what am I writing now...maybe it's a whole load of nonsense that doesn't make any cow sense...