I wonder why mummies have to worry so much. I admit that I am a worry-pot...constantly thinking too much and reading too much into things all the time. It is especially so when it comes to the kids. When they fall sick, I'll worry about them passing to each other. When others are sick at home, I worry about them catching the bugs. When Ee fell down last year and had a deep cut on his forehead, I worry each time I see the kids crossing the drains. When Hao shows lack of confident in his school work, I worry that he'll not be able to catch up. When other kids are reading or writing faster than my kids of the same level, I worry about not pushing them more in the academic area but leaving them to learn at their own pace and enjoy childhood first. When Ee had to go for tooth extraction under GA, I couldn't sleep the night before and after that, I get paranoid with all the boys' dental hygiene and eating patterns so much that I nearly throw out all the sugary stuff and stop them from snacking, nag at them to rinse their mouth, brush their teeth and floss. After that, I'll check them one by one before going to bed. That's how worrying I am. Too much? Perhaps not, as I know some mummies are like me too. Too paranoid? I wonder if I am getting too much of it. The recent checking-the-boys'-teeth syndrome that I am having is eating into me too much. I wonder if I am worrying too much. Then again, I wonder why the more careful we are, the more things will happen, while others who are not doing much are not getting the problems? Such an irony right?
Sigh..sometimes I wished I could be less uptight and more relaxed than what I am doing now. Sometimes I wonder if my worries are normal of a mummy. Perhaps I am expecting too much of myself. There are of course some things I can prevent but others which I cannot control. That freaks me out a little as I wished I could control everything and have my boys growing up healthily and worry free (even pain free!). I must learn to let go, breathe in and out more and have more inner peace.
Tomorrow is Ee's 5th birthday. Recalling that he had his bad fall last year after his birthday and this year his GA tooth extraction before his birthday, I am truly wishing that he be less accident prone and be a carefree kid from this point onwards. He had suffered a lot in the past year and it really breaks my heart having to witness him in so much pain that I became so angry with myself for not able to do anything when things happened. I need to let go of my anger with myself too. It's a good thing he's a really happy go lucky boy with such a loving personality and not to mention his "couldn't care less even if the sky is falling down" nature :) Hugs and kisses to him!
